we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
