she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
