I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
