Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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