I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
