I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
