so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
