just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
