Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
