No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
