fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
