: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
