there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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