I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
