you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
