I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
