hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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