She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is my gift to your gina
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
