Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
