I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
