ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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