so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
