those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
