I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
