I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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