She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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