I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
