So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
