I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
