I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
