somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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