My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
