She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
