So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
