What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
