Your face is a jimmy john
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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