so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
