It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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