dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
