its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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