she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
