he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
birth control should be required to get into college
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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