the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
