Little spoons don't ask big questions
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
