Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
