i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We don't watch enough power rangers
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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