Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
