one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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