she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
