I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
