Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
