Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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