i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
