she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
