she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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