Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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