piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
