i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
