i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
