Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
