Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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