i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
